Cupid: Grand Delusions Extra Scenes
by Atomdancerrr
Summary: There are three chapters to this, all related to the original Cupid episode; Watch it at You tube.


The original 1998 show can be watched for the most part on you tube. The new show can be bought from Itunes and for a week more can be watched on ABC at 10 PM EST and for a while yet on the ABC web site. Amazon dot com will soon have DVD's for sale. Watch it while you can. The new one is more lighthearted but is well worth watching too. They are both good, the first one was pre 9/11 and the second one is post 9/11 and destroyed economy. We need lighthearted very badly now!

There are three chapters to this, all related to the original Cupid episode; Grand Delusions where our crazy but oh-so-wise and loving, little-g-god-possessed Professor Hale had to play straight man to an even crazier Lunatic: Don Quixote! Watch it at Youtube! The chapters are Cupid and Don Quixote At Fairview, Cupid: Popping Some Not so Grand Delusions, and Cupid: How to Live wild and Free. Each chapter can be enjoyed as a separate story.

Consider any fan fiction story a lovingly constructed advertisement for the original show, movie or book. The 1998 Cupid show can be watched for the Most part at Youtube. ABC still has a few episodes of the 2009 show, Itunes sells them and Amazon is about to. They are well worth purchasing.

I do not own Cupid or Claire but ABC doesn't own Cupid either. The ancient Greeks do. They are looking down from the Heaven Science will build and because of curved space/time already exists, laughing in glee that we are still writing about characters they invented thousands of years ago! May Star Trek and Doctor Who and Quantum Leap last as long and do as well!

Cupid: Grand Delusions. Extra Scenes

By

8-) Elizabeth Hensley

Chapter One.

Cupid and Don Quixote At Fairview

Cupid the Greco-Roman god of love who most Mortals chose to refer to as Trevor Hale had come to visit his friend Robert Cunningham who thought he was Don Quixote. The poor guy had gotten violent so he was currently locked up in restraints in the violent ward at Fairview Treatment center for Emotional Wellness. But now Cupid wanted to back across the street to the bar Taggerty's where he worked. But the door between the violent ward and the disturbed but not violent ward was of course, locked.

He turned to his Therapist, Claire who had brought him to see DQ, "Are you going to let me go?"

Her words chilled him to the very bone, "I would prefer you to stay."

Cupid was terrified! He protested, "Oh you got an opening in electroshock? Two for one; Don Quixote and Cupid?"

Claire looked at him pleadingly, "if you sit with him I don't have to strap him down again."

Cupid breathed sigh of relief_, so this was for his sake and not for his! But it was still problematic. _"Claire you are forgetting something. I have a _JOB!_ And it's pretty hard to tend a bar from across the street at the friendly neighborhood nuthouse."

Claire smiled. Trevor could be completely rational at times. "You don't work again until 11 Am tomorrow. Am I correct?"

Trevor nodded, "you do keep such a close eye on me. I love that! It's such a turn on!"

Claire smiled, "Last time you told me you had a job to do that required you getting out of here it was all about uniting couples because you are the Greek god of Love. Now your job is tending the bar at Taggerty's and uniting couples has almost become just a hobby you are very obsessed with. You won't admit it but you have improved!"

Trevor said, "Hah!"

Claire ignored that. "l'll have maintenance put another bed in the isolation room. If you stay with him until right before you go to work it would do Robert Cunningham a world of good. Relationships actually cause chemical changes in the human brain, Trevor. He needs to know even if we have found out his secret, that he isn't Don Quixote but really a poor man who made a horrible mistake that lead to his wife's death his Sancho Panza isn't going to leave him, and please Trevor, call yourself Trevor around him, not Cupid!"

The Greek good grinned with mischief. "Oh I don't know Claire. Seeing how crazy I look might make him realize how crazy he looks."

Claire stared at him amazed, "I didn't know you had that much insight."

Trevor grinned, "I don't. But I'm intelligent enough to see your point of view. But don't worry, Lois, I'll stay totally into my Clark Kent mode. He'll never guess my secret identity."

Claire giggled, "Unless he talks to half the rest of the city of Chicago! It's amazing how word gets around. You tell about two hundred people you are really Cupid the god of love and suddenly everyone knows. People just don't know how to keep a secret!"

Trevor gave his shrink a wry grin and nodded.

Then he sobered again, "Claire I have a lot of anxiety about this little gig. What if something happens to you between now and when I would be leaving? You know Dr Greeley would use any excuse to get me back in here. If I get confined I will freak out and act like what he thinks I am. You KNOW that. I know that. I never said I was perfect. I amused to having the whole Universe to live in. It's claustrophobic enough for me to just be confined to Earth much less an isolation room! If I can't get out again I probably will end up needing to be sedated and I'll spend the rest of my mortal life here!" He frowned.

Claire smiled, "I have as solution for that. I'm going to go now and have your own identification slide card made for you. Then you can come and go at will just like one of the staff. It is unusual I know to use another patient as a volunteer but it has been done on occasion."

Trevor said, "right now, right?"

Claire nodded. "Now Trevor to keep yourself calm until I get back with it, I want you to take slow, deep breaths and think of the most relaxing peaceful and pleasant place you can."

Trevor closed his eyes and inhaled and an actual peaceful expression came over his usually hyper-from-anxiety face. He said, "I am thinking of this olive tree behind my house in Olympus. It had a grand view of the valley. But that's our physical view. We gods aren't limited to that. My Pops and I used to lay there under that olive tree and watch the entire Universe, whatever we desired. We would do that for decades at a time. Time means nothing to immortals. We watched Aliens and Animals and even TV shows. There was this one particular Mortal Trekker who used to talk to the characters on the TV set, and even the Writers telling them how he would do things better. He wasn't crazy he was just very lonely. I find myself doing that sort of thing now. I had a conversation with a Mr. Clean bottle the other day. It was the best conversation I've had in weeks! But anyway this guy was very funny and we used to laugh and laugh! Those were the good ole days!"

Claire said, "I don't have time to work with you right now to help you pick a more realistic image, so if that works for you, use it. But didn't you say you didn't get along well with your father?"

Cupid sighed, "That was later after he realized I had no potential as a warrior. When I was just a little godling I was the apple of his eye."

Claire gave him a sympathetic look. It didn't matter most of what he said could not possibly be real. Her Patient believed it. Thus to him it was shaping factor in his personality. '_As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.'"_

Claire said, "Ok. I'm going for the card. You going to be alright?"

Worriedly Trevor nodded, "Yes, but hurry!"

She left and locked door closing behind her was one of the scariest sounds he had ever heard! He took some more deep breaths and thought of Olympus and then went back into D Q's room. It was hard to think of him suddenly as Robert Cunningham. To Cupid Robert Cunningham would always be Don Quixote de la Mancha!"

The man kept up a steady rant against being locked up. Cupid let him rant. He agreed completely.

Part of him wondered if Claire was even coming back. _Maybe this was going to be his new home and it had been a trick. At least she had found a way to avoid the trauma of having the white coats march across the street to Taggerty's and drag him back!_

But with profound relief he heard the door opening again. "My rescuer!" He exclaimed happily. "You did return!"

Claire said, "I told you I would. Don't you trust me?"

Trevor shuttered, "I don't trust the system! Your intentions are perfect but between intentions and execution lay a vast valley of many possible SNAFUSs."

Claire smiled soothingly. "Well relax. I'm back. Here is your card."

Trevor took it and looked at it. He frowned. "Darn it, Claire it has that picture of my from my psychiatric files with me in my cute, widdle hospital nighty. It makes me look like a belong here, not that I'm a visitor!"

Claire sighed, "Trevor it was the only picture of you we have on file here. It will do. You know how to use the card?"

"Of course!"

"Now Trevor I am going because I have to arrange some Patient to Patient counseling. You WILL be ok. But Trevor when you are leaving tomorrow, try to act normal. No talking to yourself or your family about the horrible status of the current mental health care system, or the faults of the Planet and Mortals in general. Don't make jokes and pithy comments about and to inanimate objects, which if I had the time to ask you about would a actually make sense but anyone watching you wouldn't know that. Try to walk down the hall. Don't skip or dance and whatever you do don't sing and giggle to yourself!"

Trevor said, "I thought you said act normal! All that behavior is normal for everybody.

Humans, Gods, Chimps, Gorillas, Dolphins, Whales, Extraterrestrials, Angels, Artificial Intelligences; every Living Being that is self aware talks to themselves precisely because they _do_ know they exist. Everybody dances even Amoebas! Everybody moans and groans, and most everybody giggles."

Claire sighed, "Not when someone might be being watched in a mental hospital."

Trevor frowned, 'Claire, that is the worst part about this place. No one dares to sing or dance or talk to themselves. _Everyon_e talks to themselves, Claire believe me I used t be omnipresent and when I say everyone I mean _EVERYONE_. Even the Big Guy talks to Himself. What do you think the Universe _**is**_?"

"But Trevor if you do so here people will think you are talking to hallucinations."

Trevor frowned at her, "Now Claire you know I don't hallucinate. I talk to inanimate objects for the exact same reason Tom Hank's character talked to William the soccer ball in Castaway. I'm damn lonely! You are as bright as Mortals come but there isn't anyone around here including you who is half my intellectual equal! If I didn't talk to inanimate objects, whom COULD I talk to on my own level? I AM a Castaway!"

Claire considered this. "Maybe you ought to join MENSA."

Cupid sneered, "MENSA? Oh_ please!_ They are kindergarteners and I'm in college!"

Claire sighed, 'I do see your point but unfortunately Dr. Greeley and the rest won't. They see you carrying on a conversation with a 'soccer ball' just because you are so lonely for your own kind your heart is broken and bored out of your skull to the point of being severely neurotic and they just won't understand. I sort of do but its only because I've spent hours and hours and HOURS working very hard at figuring you out. That Rorschach test you so enjoyed was VERY revealing. You aren't '_not all there_,' you are, '_all there about 50 times too much_!' But try to curb your verbal playing with yourself for the few moments it takes to get out the door again from here or you might NOT get out the door from here. Capisce?"

Trevor swallowed, "Capisce. If my family calls me I'll put my cell phone up to my ear to throw the psychiatric snoops off the track."

Clair stared at him, worried. "I wasn't aware your family talked to you. I thought you just talked to them, which is a different matter entirely. I need to make a note about that in your file."

Trevor shook his head and sighed, "They don't. They haven't said a word to me since they kicked me out. But I can always hope! They can't stay mad at me forever!"

Trevor looked so forlorn Claire's heart went out to him. _The irony was out there the real world it was highly likely Trevor's real family was worried sick about him. This was the sort of situation that reminded Claire why she had become a Therapist in the first place. _She gazed at him gently, "Any chance you changed your mind about me contacting Professors RT Hale's family? I can't without your legal authorization."

Cupid said, "Claire I am not that person and you know it."

Claire shook her head. "I don't know it. You look like him. Your name is similar. You were able to tell me his life story."

Cupid sighed, "I was remembering back when I was omnipresent. His situation was similar enough to mine. I did identify with it and remembered it when you brought it up. But that doesn't make me, _him._ As for my looking like him, you look a little bit like Annette Funicello. Does that make you a Mouseketeer?"

She sighed, "Al right Trevor, As I said, I have to leave NOW to arrange some Patient to Patient counseling. You will be all right here for a few hours. You CAN do it. I have faith in you your admittedly god-like compassion for this tragic situation will override your need for freedom. Good bye for now."

She left and Cupid resigned himself to his fate.

DQ had calmed down a bit. It had dawned on him his Sancho Panza wasn't leaving. Claire was right. _This fellow craved "human" companionship just as much as he did! Left on his own his madness would grow not dissipate. _

After few minutes later maintenance came in rolling another bed. DQ was not happy, "This will never do!' he exclaimed. "That is as fine a bed as I have myself. The bed of a servant should be inferior to clearly show his inferior status."

Cupid said quickly, "Master it was the only other bed they had. If I do not use this one I will have to sleep on the floor!"

DQ said, "To sleep on the floor in my presence is honor enough for someone of your social status. He made a gesture with his hand, "Away with it!"

Cupid said, "Master consider this. If I sleep very comfortable tonight I will be much more rested and alert tomorrow so that I will be more capable of defeating the evil wizard that has us confined. Plus you are such a merciful and cheerful master you will let this little indiscretion in propriety slide. Because you love your Sancho Panza!"

DQ smiled, "You are right my faithful servant. I shall let it slide. Enjoy this fine bed with my blessings."

Cupid got out of the room so maintenance had more room to wheel it in. As they did so one of the guys said quietly, "Nice save!"

Cupid beamed.

Then the guy added, "for someone just as crazy as he is."

Cupid sighed.

Cupid stayed with Robert Cunninham the rest of the day and the night and was relieved to find him asleep during the time he had to leave to go take a shower before tending the bar. _He wouldn't have to watch while they straped him down again. _With trepidation Cupid tried his card. For all he knew it might have been a dummy! But to his relief, it worked!"

As he was leaving the violent ward the Attendant said, "I don't understand it. You are as crazy as the rest of those in there. But your Therapist gives you your own free ticket in and out of here!"

Trevor took a deep breath and growled, "Number 1. Unlike DQ in there I don't try to solve my interpersonal conflicts with violence. Not on Earth and not even back home. My Mother and I are lovers not fighters (thought of course not with each other!) When the other gods started throwing lighting bolts round, she and I usually would hide and wait for the hullabaloo to be over even if took a few decades. The irony is I'll probably outlive a lot of them because we aren't completely immortal. We can kill each other but no one is going to kill Mom and me even though they often think of me as a nuisance. A neighbor of ours made a pertinent comment: 'He who lives by the sword dies by the sword.' I was a big disappointment to my Father. I'm a Mama's boy. But for whatever wisdom is in it I live by love not by the sword.

"Number two. Unlike DQ I am aware this is a mental hospital not a dungeon though considering how you have DQ confined and hog-tied is there any real difference?

"Number three. I am aware that at least part of the time the mental health care system has its heart in the right place, most of the time! My Therapist, Claire Allen certainly does.

"Number four. DQ in there thinks you are all Wizards trying to destroy his mind. I think you are Psychiatrists trying to destroy my mind. There really isn't any difference at all. But because I humor you modern Mortals who have this delusion you are different from your Ancestors and use the current psychobabble instead of the ancient jargon that means exactly the same thing I come across as a lot more normal!

"Number five. I've been taking care of myself and I have a JOB to go to and I am headed there now. Good day sir."

Cupid walked down another long, scary hall, and then slid the card to get from the disturbed but not violent ward into the harmless ward. From there he slid the card to get into the hospital lobby. There was no lock on the door between the lobby out into the street and so Cupid walked out a free god!

What joy there was in freedom! He took a deep breath of crisp fall Chicago air and looked around him at the busy street. The wind was blowing leaves around and Cupid swung around and danced with them, rejoicing in just being alive! He looked around. Everyone else had their heads down fighting against the wind and the leaves with looks of quiet desperation on their faces. Why did they not make Gaia their friend instead?

What was wrong with Mortals? Short as their lives were why did they not savor every moment?

Cupid whirled and twirled and danced across the street rejoicing with the wind and the leaves, one with the entire Windy City: Glorious freedom!

Chapter Two

Cupid: Popping Some _Not_ so Grand Delusions.

By

8-) Elizabeth Hensley

Trevor danced with the wind blown leaves across the street. He didn't know it but his Psychologist was observing him. She smiled. _It was free spirited behavior such as this that gave Trevor a reputation for being totally loony. The irony of it was, his ability to dance in public with the leaves totally entertaining himself was actually one of Trevor Hale's many strengths. It was strange, but as delusional as he was Trevor Hale was very self-actualized. _

She ran and caught up with him at the yellow centerline.

Her patient smiled, "now this is a first, you seeking _me_ out on my way to work and escorting _me_."

She laughed, "It just shorter trip that's all, and count this as a session Trevor because I have arranged for you to talk to someone who is going to cure you of one of your most anxiety producing delusions."

The Greek god of love exploded, "Can it Claire! I don't have any delusions to pop and if my god-hood and memory of my good ole days in Bedford Falls, that is Olympus, are delusions they are hardly distressing me or interfering with my ability to function."

She giggled, "Those aren't the delusions I'm talking about. I dare say by the time the two of you are done you'll have this guy convinced you are a god, a very weird, homesick and neurotic god but a god never the less! Nope! The delusion of yours he's going to pop is one you tragically share with much of the general, non-psychotic population and you acquired it from watching too much television not from reading too much classical literature."

"HUH?" Trevor was puzzled.

She smiled, "Your supper break is at 7:30 isn't it? Be prepared for an interesting and anxiety-relieving supper tonight, Trevor." She danced off giggling.

Cupid stared after her a bit worried but also amused at his usual staid Therapist's imitating of his behavior.

Cupid kept eyeing the clock with a mixture of worry and curiosity. _Just who and what was going to walk through the door at 7:30 and demand to speak to him?_ Cupid knew the mental health filed could be tricky. Some of the ways he had been treated at Fairview might have been well meaning but definitely misguided. Cupid didn't like mind games, hated psychobabble, hated too much over thinking and analysis. It wasn't that he couldn't think. He was brilliant. But he felt first and then thought only after the feeling method got him in trouble, which only occasionally it did. Claire was just the opposite. Her life was a lot safer, but also a whole lot duller.

He certainly hated antipsychotic medication. _He had seen it work miracles with certain Schizophrenics, making them become calm and rational in just a few days! _Their horrible 24/7 nightmares faded and allowed them to leave the hospital and live a fairly normal life_. But the fact it didn't "cure" him of knowing __**exactly**__ who he was, was proof it was very wrong to forcibly inject it into him! Thank Grandpa, Claire had at least had the sense to realize that much!_

But the shadow of Fairview Treatment Center for Emotional Wellness literally loomed over Taggerty's! _He could be dragged back there kicking and screaming at Dr. Greeley's whim any time!_ No. Cupid did NOT trust the mental health profession!

The prematurely graying little guy who walked through the door at precisely 7:30 didn't look scary. He was dressed in blue jeans, a baseball cap and a T-shirt that had a NASA picture of Mars on it. On the back it said, "Hit the Planet. Win a Prize! And remember 1 Mile = 1.6 1KM." He definitely didn't look like a mental health professional and Trevor felt a little more relaxed. He asked, "Are you looking for me?"

The fellow was impressed, "How could you tell I wasn't just another customer?"

Trevor shrugged, "I just can. Intuition I guess, plus you are the only one who walked in at exactly 7:30. What would you like to drink? It's on the house. Or really it's on me."

The little guy smiled, "I'd like a Virgin Mary please."

Trevor obliged and decided to have the same. If he was going to get in some kind of a battle of wits he wanted his mind as free of impairments as possible and alcohol was definitely an impairment. He stared at the little guy sizing him up. His first way to do that was to consider his potential as a possible bead. But he shook that away and considered other ways to assess him._ Just what were his dangers here of being forced into 'better mental health?_ _Being "crazy" worked for him and if there really was Professor RT Hale somewhere in side of him behind some curtain, pulling his levers and pushing his buttons Cupid didn't want to know! Who would?_

The man said, " My name is Todd Simmons. I understand we have a mutual friend. Claire is my Therapist too."

Trevor felt a little relieved. "So you are on OUR side?"

Todd looked at him. "What do you mean, 'our side?"

Trevor said, " You and I both rage against that 'machine' across the street."

Todd said, "Oh no Mr. Hale I'm not against that 'machine across the street' cause they aren't against us. They are trying to help us. You DO realize that, don't you?"

Trevor stared at him open mouthed and then got up and inspected his neck,

"What are you doing?"

Trevor said, "I'm looking for Borg parts or signs of neck penetration by the Goa'uld. You've been assimilated!"

Todd stared at him bug eyed, "You aren't that far gone are you?"

Trevor sat down and laughed. "No, not really. I'm kidding but just barely. How can you think they're on our side across the street? I know Claire is, but she's an anomaly. She's a friendly Dragon, a Ferdinand the Bull, a Willie. Remember Willie from V? She's the exception that proves the rule. Most of them over there would have us in restraints and hooked up to electrodes and shocked into submission if the law would let them. Thank God for Lawyers!"

Todd said quietly, "That's the delusion Claire asked me to pop. Trevor I've had electroconvulsive therapy many times and it does me so much good!"

Trevor stared at him wild-eyed. "This is a set up! I can't believe my Claire would do this to me! That she would be on the machine's side. She wants me to submit to this Mortal form of thunderbolt throwing and come out like a brainwashed zombie, nice and dull and normal! I wouldn't be me any more and I'd be a hundred and fifty IQ points dumber!"

Todd interrupted, "No Trevor, Claire told me to say this to you in her exact words, In fact she wrote them down." He took a piece of paper out of his pocket. He read, "Trevor you are not a candidate for ECT. In fact I wish we could hook jumper cables up to you and give some of what you've got to other Patients and some of Doctors too. Even if they got some of your delusions of god-hood it would do many of them a world of good. I just want you to get over your fear and resentment about ECT so you don't spread that delusion to other potential Patients who it _could _ help."

Trevor eyed him suspiciously.

Todd handed him the note. "See? It's HER hand writing!"

Trevor looked at the paper. It was indeed Claire's handwriting. He felt a little better _But still just what were they up to?"_

Todd gazed at Trevor "I hope you explain that bit about delusions of god-hood to me, because when I asked she said she couldn't tell me because of Doctor Patient confidentially but if I wanted a good time I ought to ask!" Then she just gave me a Cheshire cat grin and started laughing really hard. So I am asking; just what did she mean by that?"

Trevor grinned, "You are sitting across the table from the real genuine Eros, the mucho Amor himself; Cupid, the god of LOVE, baby!" He laughed, "I'm also one hell of a Barkeep!"

Todd whistled, "and they let you run around loose?

Trevor said in a conspiritual tone of voice and nodded towards Fairview, "I had to fool em, say just what they wanted to hear to get out. But yes, they let me run around loose. They don't want to but they got to. I have a nice piece of paper framed and hanging on the wall in my room that declares me legally sane. Plus I'm working and taking care of myself just fine. If they tried to recommit me it probably wouldn't hold water. I might even be able to sue!"

Todd was amazed, "You think you are a god and you've been declared legally sane?"

Trevor smiled and nodded, "Yes indeedy. Sanity, competence and being mentally healthy are actually three separate things and it is possible to be any one or two of the three without being the third. People don't realize the term 'sane' is a legal term not a medical term, so it really surprised folks when I show them my precious little piece of paper. Sane means. 'harmless to one's self and others.' It is not the same as being declared competent or the same as being mentally healthy. It is possible to be harmless without being competent, but I am competent also. Claire knew I was sane and that I did sooooo not want too live in a mental hospital! That is why she worked so hard to help me get out and why she is still on my side about this. Once released it was up to me to prove I was competent so that I wouldn't require reconfinement. I did so by obtaining and holding down a job and obtaining a place to live within the space of a few hours after my release, and I've held both the same job and place to live for several months now. As far as being mentally healthy is concerned, I'm not. I know I am neurotic, no doubt about that! But being cast down to Earth without my powers will do that to a god! Claire of course thinks I'm crazier than Hamlet and Don Quixote and Elwood P Dowd put together because she doesn't believe I'm really Cupid. But even she admits I'm fun, sane and very competent." Trevor grinned like a cat fed canary. "She says my long-term memories and my goals are crazy but my methodology is normal, and that my day to day behavior is merely, 'eccentric by deliberate choice.' My perfectly rational justification for that is life is too rare and precious a gift to be wasting it acting 'normal.'

Trevor smiled and took a sip of his Virgin Mary. Then he continued, "Now I have sanity papers from Fairview but I figured Dr. Greeley and others could contest them since I had lied about not thinking I was Cupid anymore. So I knew an independent evaluation of my sanity and competence may hold up in court better than those falsely issued documents if it ever came to that, and it just might. Dr. Greeley hates the fact I'm not properly filed! He doesn't like messes or mysteries and to him I am both! So independently of Fairview Treatment Center for Emotional Wellness and even independently of Claire I sought out a second opinion, just as People do all the time for all sorts of medical conditions. I opened the telephone book and picked out a Psychiatrist who advertised he did forensic evaluations for the court system. I figured that kind of Shrink would be the most qualified to determine if I was sane or not.

"I persuaded Champ to come along both for my safety's safe and to reassure the Doctor if he was afraid of me at first. You see I figured my having brought my own private, "Orderly," might reassure Doc as to his own safety. I also knew the fact I considered the Doctor's feelings would give me some points. I also made sure Champ had the phone number of my Lawyer on speed dial just in case this didn't go as well as I hoped and suspected it would!"

So I went to this independent Shrink and explained what I was trying to do; keep myself out of the loony bin! He was a little surprised at that. I told him I was absolutely certain I could pass a sanity test and the fact I was holding down a job and pleasing my boss very much and living independently and have friends and relationships proved my competence. But was he ever surprised when I told him exactly who I KNOW I am and that my goal in life was to help People fall in love and I was actually having some success, which surely he had to admit is pretty harmless and beneficial!" Trevor frowned, "I don't know what it is about you modern Mortals! It wasn't all that long ago we were a popular religion but you seem to have just about forgotten all about us!' Trevor continued. " I pointed out that while it was very true I could not pass a modern religious tribunal but that was not the point of a sanity test! So would he please, please, please remember that? I had a perfect right to believe in any higher power and religious system I wanted to even if it was my own family and myself! Then I told him I could even stay in Clark Kent mode and he could give me a sanity evaluation by those criteria. But if I didn't do it good enough I wanted him to give me pointers. After all it was I who was hiring him, not someone else, and I was paying for it out of my own pocket. It's not like my pitiful insurance pays for this type of consultation. He was amused that I was trying to 'cram for this kind of a test and asking for professional help to do so.' He said, 'usually People with your kind of difficulties with reality run the other way as fast and far as they can!' But bless him he came through for me and reluctantly signed my sanity paper. As he put it, 'I guess if you are intelligent enough and insightful enough that you can fake normality you've basically got normalcy, false memories or not. Where you think you are from doesn't define your present day reality as a Barkeep any more than my being from Michigan stops me from being a Shrink working in New York!'"

Trevor continued, "Oh, for your information I answered the question, "How old are you?" With, "none of your business!" Who the President was as 'Slick Wily' which was true at the time and gave him lots of joy and, 'Where was I born?' As being 'Thessaly

in Greece.' It's not my fault you modern American Mortals don't know that's where Mount Olympus is located in Greece.

"Then I turned the tables on him! He had asked me who the President was and I told him. So I asked him if he knew who his Senators and Congressmen were and how did they vote on certain issues? He did know one of our state's Senators but he had no idea how he voted on much of anything, except a couple of issues! But I knew every vote he'd made, all of them, and which ones he abstained from voting on at all. I could do that for the other Senators and Congressmen too, all of them in this state. Then I asked him about the local government. 'Who is on our city counsel?' 'Who is the local Dog Catcher?' 'Who does code enforcement?' 'Who collects our local taxes?' 'Who are our district's Judges and how did the rule on such and such issues?' I knew all the answers to that, but he didn't!" Trevor laughed. "Too bad I don't feel myself qualified to vote!"

Todd asked, "Why don't you? I think you just demonstrated you are _very_ qualified to vote!"

Trevor explained, "If I am crazy I shouldn't be voting. If I am a god than it is none of my darn business who Mortals pick to rule themselves! But I knew who those Persons were, which is pretty good for a so-called 'crazy Person' if I do say so myself. And yes, the Doctor was impressed. He said, "It's a good thing you aren't giving _us_ sanity tests, Cupid! I don't think we could pass what _you_ would dish out!"

Todd smiled, "Well Cupid you popped one of my delusions too. I didn't know a Crazy Person could still be both sane and competent! Well, now its time to tell you my story and pop one of YOUR delusions."

Todd continued, "ECT IT is the reason I am doing what you can do: Holding down a job and sitting here talking to you instead of being literally in restraints to keep me from harming myself. I am one of the twenty percent of severely clinically depressed who doesn't respond to medication. Believe me I've tried it all. Every time they come out with a new one Dr. Greeley tries me on it. But none of them have worked for me so far. So every few weeks when I start to feel down again I give my friend Dr. Greeley a call and he arranges another ECT session for me. I arrive and leave by taxi because I shouldn't drive for a few hours afterwards. It makes me very sleepy. I walk in, wait in the waiting room reading boring magazines until it's my turn. I walk in, climb up on the table and they put a needle in my arm that puts me to sleep instantly. That needle is the only pain and it doesn't hurt that much. I wake up seemingly instantly with a feels-so-good headache and I go home by taxi, take a nice long nap and wake up feeling much better again. That's the whole of it Mr. Hale. They use anesthesia and muscle relaxants so no one thrashes around any more like Jack Nicholson did in One Flew over the Cuckoo's nest.

"I had been committed for attempting suicide. My sister found me in the bathtub almost dead from blood loss. I had slashed both wrists and both arteries in my legs. I hadn't even written a note or called anyone. I really wanted to die! I had suffered with untreatable depression for ten years and couldn't take it any more! Since no medications could be found that helped me Dr. Greeley prescribed a series of ECT treatments. My first ECT session was very traumatic because I was really scared and I had to be forced to have it. Isaac and Hector had to literally drag me down the hall. They pointed out to me if I didn't want live anyway what difference did it make? But I thought it would make me even worse, stupid on top of being depressed. They had to strap me down! They put a needle in my arm and I feel asleep immediately. I woke up seemingly immediately too. I still felt like myself. I just continued to feel a little scared. I kept checking my mind trying to figure out what it had made me forget, but as far as I can tell, nothing. They only put the electrodes on one side of your brain these days, your non-dominant side. That cuts way back on any nasty side effects like memory loss. Maybe not completely but compared with being severely depressed its an easy choice to make. Because it sure works Mr. Hale, it sure works! I was taken back to my room after that first one and I was too scared to allow myself to sleep but after a few hours I realized I actually did feel better! The depression that had clouded my mind and made me slash my wrists had lifted a little bit for the first time in ten years! Three more treatments and life was worth living for the first time in over a decade. I had a long way back to being functional again. But I made it with Dr Greeley and Claire's help. Now I work at the Planetarium and I love it. But when I feel the cloud descending again I get on the phone pronto to schedule another treatment. I am treated on an outpatient basis now. As Sesame Street would put it the electro convulsive therapy team have become 'persons in my neighborhood.' We know each other by name and inquire after each other's health, significant others hobbies. I would much rather get more "shock treatment" than stand in line at the driver's license bureau believe you me! So about once a month or so I skip breakfast take a taxi to the ECT clinic and go home by taxi after it is through. Going to the Dentist is worse. Then I take the taxi home, take a nap and wake up feeling better and go about my business. And I have business these days because life is worth living again! So Trevor or Cupid whatever you are, ECT really isn't the bugaboo Hollywood has made it out to be, and it's a shame so many people are scared of it because it can really help depression and manic depression and in some cases schizophrenia. I don't think it will help neurotic Greek gods though." Todd smiled. "So you aren't even a candidate."

Trevor stared at him. Then he smiled and exclaimed, "Well! I'll be a Monkey's Uncle! Claire was right for once! You DID pop one of my most anxiety-causing delusions and it didn't even hurt a bit! Thank you! And I'll than Claire next time I see her. Want another Virgin Marry?"

Todd smiled, "Yes please. I was happy to oblige. Now tell me, what's it like to be a Greek god?"

Chapter Three

Cupid; How to Live Wild and Free

By

8-) Elizabeth Hensley

Cupid walked into Claire's office with a piece of paper in his hand and big grin on his face. For once he was right on time neither way too early or way too late. Jaclyn waved him in.

He came in and plopped down in the hot seat with a lot less anxiety than he usually showed. He put the paper on Claire's desk. He grinned, "You ought to put this in my file, maybe even show it to Dr. Greeley. I wish I had written this in time to help DQ."

Curious Claire picked it up and read it. Her eyebrows went up. Then she smiled approvingly. This is good Trevor all except for number 6. It almost shows insight."

How to Make It Out of a Mental Hospital

Even if You Are Thought Delusional

By Cupid

(Also known as Trevor Hale).

Get yourself a Clark Kent persona. Even if you chose not to stay in it at all times it will give Mortals/Humans/the others/whatever you are supposed to call them, another way to relate to you. Practice it until you are comfortable with it. You will find the others either believe you, treat you like Santa Claus, use that Clark Kent mode even when they know you do not believe it, or outright tell you to your face you are nuts. Find peaceful ways to handle each response from them for your freedom depends on it.

Never settle anything violently unless it is to come to rescue of another who is right then being attacked and you have plenty of witnesses who you know will be on your side. Staying harmless is the key to staying free. If a mental health worker vouched for your harmlessness he or she could also be in professional trouble if you mess up here.'

Have or learn a practical skill. Even Jesus Christ made it at first only as a Carpenter and I Cupid, tend bar and make it a matter of pride and joy to do it _very_ well. You _will_ need money, have to pay taxes and most likely will have to eat or at least enjoy doing so, and you will need a place to stay and store your stuff.

Get 'the others' on your side. A good social network can be there to testify on your behalf if they try to commit you again.

Make friends with whatever mental health therapist they assign you. You need that person on your side. It doesn't matter he or she doesn't believe you. Come to a separate peace with them about it. Make use of them. They may be able to give practical advice on how to survive in your current situation. For instance my Claire knows where great restaurants are and her telling me where they were was the first sign of hope to me that life as a Mortal was even going to be worth living. Are you homesick? That is who to go to about that. We can't keep ourselves bottled up in Clark Kent mode all the time or we really would go nuts. The person to talk to about home is your Therapist. He or she most likely won't believe you but since you are _supposed_ to be under their care they won't freak out about your so-called "delusion" as someone on the street would.

Never forget who you are! Keep your soul alive no matter what new piece of psychobabble or treatment they put you through. Its no one's business but yours who or what you are or chose to think you are and they really aren't doing you a favor by trying to make you into someone else. Hang in there!

Get a hobby. Even I can't spend all my time uniting couples. We have to unbend our bows sometimes or the string stretches out of shape and the wood weakens. Watching funny videos is a great one.

Keep good financial records and pay your taxes. Get professional help with that. Almost every body does. The IRS doesn't care who or what you are. They just want money!

Know exactly how much it costs to keep you in a secure facility every day. Know how much taxes you are paying, living and working as a free individual. Be able to quote these factoids to folks who start making comments such as, 'you need to be locked up.' Money will win arguments when justice and kindness won't.

10. When their misconceptions are harmless humor the so-called "Normals.' Very little is worth fighting about. As Elwood P Dowd said, 'you can either live very, very smart or very, very pleasant, and pleasant is better.'"

Claire was grinning broadly now. She exclaimed, "This is priceless! I have a better idea than just burying it in your files and showing it to Dr. Greeley. With your permission I'm going to have it laminated and framed and hung on the walls of the different wards so that other Patients like you and Robert Cunningham can benefit. Even if they won't admit they read it and are following its advice I suspect they will. I may even see if a medical journal might publish it!"

Cupid nodded, "Even better! Maybe I'll help some other poor soul who got captured by the mental health care system against their will!"


End file.
